[ Monday, May 08, 2006 ]
I know what you're thinking. 'Oh my God. It's the end of the world.' And that's okay. After months of no entries, I know that it will be weeks before you find this & even then you will have logged on with no intention of finding something new.
But just because there have been no entries doesn't mean that stuff isn't happening in this little bitty world of mine--where Lee County seems to be the east coast & Grassy Creek, the west. Dave left for Colorado at 5:30 this morning & for a moment I felt my stomach churn. I wanted to vomit. I felt so alone in this empty little house. I crawled back into bed & watched the sun come up. I tried to go back to sleep, to quiet my stomach. Instead I got up, started washing dishes & baked a cake.
Who the flip are you?
And what have you done with Beck?
Maybe that's what you're asking yourself now. I'm guilty of asking the same question now & again. I'm not sure exactly when the transition took place. When I became a girl who would get up early to bake a cake or when I became a girl afraid to be alone at night, in a house by herself. The girl I was 6 years ago might laugh at the girl I am now. She might laugh until she couldn't breath, mouth wide open, eyes closed tight. Or she might turn her head in jealousy, quietly craving a home, a man, someone to take care of, someone to take care of her. Maybe.
Two months ago Dave went to Denver for a training session. He was gone six days. When he came home he gave me a ring & asked me to marry him. And I told him yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
So I'm an engaged lady. And at times that seems so foreign to me. But I still have 100 invitation catalogs & cabinet full of Martha Stewart Weddings & a brown, olive, plum & taupe color scheme has taken over my mind. My heart wants the perfect barn with branches & twinkle lights & a poofy dress & peonies & tulips & old-fashioned looking flower girls & the sweetest little band. One that might play Ryan Adams covers & then sing a pretty bluegrass song.
So maybe being an engaged lady suits me after all.
A couple weeks from now we'll be seeing The Black Crowes at The Palace in Louisville. We have third row seats in the Orchestra Pit. So we're excited about that since it's Dave's most favorite band in the world. Plus, they've been playing some really great live shows.
Shortly after that Billie will be wed in Berea. We're planning on staying in Berea the weekend of her wedding. We're planning the perfect little beer helmet for Billie. Not for the bachelorette party but for the reception. I think that's classy. Camo & tulle & two cans of Budweiser on each side of your head. I hope Adam really means 'for better or worse'. And I hope no one minds two drunken bridesmaids with matching beer helmets guarding the chocolate fountain all night. A strawberry in each hand, chocolate on our cheeks & juice running down our chins. Ahhhh. It'll be good, good times.
I do want to say though...that it's been a little over a month since we lost our buddy, Peanut. It still doesn't seem entirely real to me. It seems, much like Joe Perry, that we might run into him at any moment. That at some point, I might pass him on the road & throw my hand up or say to Sam or Lisa 'Hey, that was Peanut.' I'm so thankful that I got to know Peanut, even though we didn't talk much anymore. I'm glad I got to witness his life, his zest for life, the way he loved every minute of it. The times he went out of his way to make us laugh (climbing onto the Campton water tower like a monkey at 2 in the morning, egging the courthouse while Opie drove by, saying 'Bullshit!' to every comment you could possibly make, making me steal Charles Riley's shoes, wearing head-to-toe cover-alls & driving 10 mph on a four-wheeler after talking everyone else into going.)I'm sad that he's gone. But I'm so thankful that I knew him.
( P.S. If you knew Peanut & would like to sign his guestbook & maybe tell a story or a memory you have of him, click here. )
~ Rebecca 3:54 PM [+]
