Inside a Girl

Greetings Y'all!

Sometimes that pops in my head. It's always Jeff Foxworthy's voice, with extra emphasis on 'greetings'.

Chris C. from The Bachelorette.

I should have written about this last week, when the topic was current & folks were still laughing their asses off. I don't know much of what went on during the first show. Partly because we were all wandering from room to room, mocking the poor boy. If I had a dollar for every time one of us said, "You look like pure eye candy.", I'd have, like, all these dollars.

While I watched the show I was embarrassed to death for Chris, him being from this county and all. I couldn't imagine being in his shoes, feeling out of place & so much like a hick. But then such a big deal was made about his drunkenness, about how he didn't represent Wolfe County or Kentucky well, how, heaven help us, he used foul language on T.V.
And that just pissed me off. I heard, "He sure made an ass out of himself." And "So & so is furious, she doesn't go for that kind of stuff." I wanted to say, "You know what? It's a fucking T.V. show. The rest of his life isn't hanging on that one episode. You should hear the kind of language your kids handle. You should have seen your kids a few times, on sidewalks in Lexington after slurping down mason jars full of sex on the beach & Steve Azar's crown royal shot." And my God, make Campton look bad? We should all be thankful he acted the way he did, otherwise there'd be camera crews on the streets of Campton & then it wouldn't just be rumor. It would be verified. Campton is the hickest of hick towns. In what other city does the person who owns the most popular funeral home also own the gun shop?

True, he used the corniest pick up lines ever to be uttered by mankind. But he quoted AC/DC, talked about our post office & mentioned his daddy's liquor store. That alone should have made us proud. Sam & I used to watch The Bachelor & The Bachelorette religiously when we worked at Dessie Scott & didn't have anything else to do on a Wednesday night. I can't tell you how many times we said, "Man I wish that just once somebody would go on one of these shows & just turn on. Be the biggest hick ever." I think Chris did that. And it wouldn't surprise me if he did it on a bet.

I hope he collected after the show aired.

I've been working on some new paintings. I have two new ones posted on the site:

the 28th day
this is my nowhere

Usually, I'm not this motivated to paint. But I've been dragging out old ones that I either never completed or wasn't happy with, and finishing them. I completed one this morning & I guarantee there are 47 layers of paint underneath the finished layer. There were so many stops & starts, ideas scrapped & painted over. Last week, I scrapped a layer & began painting something else. Last night, I decided I didn't like it & just flung paint all over it. Finally, I'm satisfied. It's an oil, acrylic, ink & graphite & I have to let it dry before I can post it. But I'm happy with it. And that's all that counts.

I'm also tickled pink with a brand new primitive cupboard that I purchased last week. Thursday, after leaving Marcy's and PMSing like hell, I decided to stop by a little antique shop outside Campton. I parked the truck, got out & just instantly felt guilty for even being in the parking lot. I knew I would buy something. I knew it would be an impulse purchase. But I really needed shop therapy. I contemplated leaving but realized that I might look a little flighty since I'd already crossed the parking lot & stopped to look back at the truck once. I rounded the corner of the shop & on the outside of the building was a tall, grey, primitive cupboard w/ door. I've been bookmarking every primitive grey cupboard I've run across on eBay for the last 2 months. They've been my obsession & most are within the $300 - $500 range, which is not an amount of money I would want to part with for a cupboard. I inquired inside, was told that it had been priced for $150 but I could have it for $125. I gave her some money & she held it for me until Dave I could pick it up, which we did on Monday.

So now that baby's sitting in Dave's bedroom, after being washed down with Murphy's oil soap & lugged across the house. It was a heavy little bastard. And around 6 feet tall. I'm tickled. Somehow when I get certain pieces of furniture that I'd like to have on my mind, I end up running into them somewhere. For a long time, I was consumed with claw foot tubs. I checked on reproductions & found that they were in the $700 - $1,200 range. Not long after that obsession began, Bradley's grandma, Hilda, decided to redo her bathroom & moved her claw foot tub out to the back porch. Tammy called to let me know it was for sale & shortly thereafter, I moved a clawfoot tub into our basement. I haven't been able to use it yet. But I feel good knowing it's in the basement.

This is just so you know.

At IGA in West Liberty, a large poster advertises: Mega Meat. Buy Big & Save.

I think that would be the perfect promotional poster for a clinic that specializes in female to male sex ops.

At least that was the thought that made me laugh while I sat outside IGA Monday night while Dave picked up a gallon of milk.

Those Igans are so funny.