[ Friday, May 21, 2004 ]
From left to right: Beck, Joe, Lisa.
Yesterday morning Lisa told me that Joe Perry, one of our old stomping buddies, passed away during the night. I didn't know his family very well...his sister or mom & dad, although I'd met them once or twice when they came tracking Joe down to see if he was okay. I don't feel comfortable going to the funeral but I want to remember him in some way. To pay tribute to who he was. To acknowledge that I appreciated him being here. And will miss knowing that he's not around somewhere inspiring mischief & laughter.
Yesterday I couldn't get his face out of my head. He had the prettiest smile, the kind where your eyes make all the expression even if you're only slightly grinning. The last time I hung out with Joe, Lisa & I went four-wheeling with him on Devil's Creek during a god awful storm. We got the four wheeler stuck quite a few times & Lisa & I had to crawl down into knee-high mud & push that bad boy from the front while Joe directed it & heaved from the side. The creeks rose until they looked like rivers and were moving just as swift. I had to sit on the front of the four wheeler to weight it down just so we wouldn't float down the creek when we crossed. You would think that we would have been scared to death. Somewhere inside we were. But facing that mess together made everything so funny & memorable. We came out of Devil's Creek around 9:30 at night, drenched from head to toe, cold & ready to get home. We made it back just before hail started pouring down. Little did we know that during the trip there were 4 of us on the four wheeler instead of 3. (We met the fourth 8 months later.)
On another occasion we all stayed in Winchester. Joe got his clothes wet in the pool & ended up having to wear one of my shirts. He came out and modeled it for us. We died laughing. My grey capped t-shirt made a belly shirt on Joe. But he wore it all night. And laughed as hard as we did.
Last night Sam & I were talking about him, remembering funny things he did. Sam said "One thing is for sure. If Joe was your friend he was your friend." That's true in so many ways.
I don't know exactly if it's hit me yet or not that he's gone. On one level it has. But I know that if I were to see a little yellow truck pass by, without thinking I would wonder if it was him. I lost one other friend tragically. It took years before I quit spotting his car. I would have to remember all over again that he was gone. That he couldn't have been driving it. That he wasn't here to drive it anymore.
There are so many things that I wish I would have said to Joe. I suppose I thought I would run into him again one day. That the opportunity to talk to him the way I needed to talk to him would just present itself. I'm filled with regret. There were things I needed to say. I needed to tell him that I appreciated how sweet he was to me. How knowing that he always had a crush on me made me feel special in lots of ways. How his bashfulness even made me feel special.
Last night I was looking through pictures & came upon the one posted above. That was the night we rode around with top down, freezing our butts off in the chilly October air. There were pictures of me & Joe with our faces taped up. Noses taped up hog-style. It didn't take much to convince him to do that. But that was Joe. Not too full of himself to act silly. Up for anything. Always laughing, joking. Lightening the tension. Or creating it, if he had a good reason to do so.
I guess this is just to say that I will miss him. Although I hadn't spoken to him in a long time. There are just some people who make you feel more comfortable by simply being in the world. And you don't realize how it will affect you until they're gone. He was Little Joe Perry.
And I thought he would be around forever.
~ Rebecca 8:41 PM [+]
