[ Wednesday, May 26, 2004 ]
32 Flavors by Ani DiFranco
"squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
and I'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you're going to get hungry
and eat most of the words you just said
both my parents taught me about good will
and I have done well by their names
just the kindness I've lavished on strangers
is more than I can explain
still there's many who've turned out their porch lights
just so I would think they were not home
and hid in the dark of their windows
til I'd passed and left them alone
and god help you if you are an ugly girl
course too pretty is also your doom
cause everyone harbors a secret hatred
for the prettiest girl in the room
and god help you if you are a phoenix
and you dare to rise up from the ash
a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy
while you are just flying back
I'm not trying to give my life meaning
by demeaning you
and I would like to state for the record
I did everything that I could do
I'm not saying that I'm a saint
I just don't want to live that way
no, I will never be a saint
but I will always say
squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
And I'm beyond your peripheral vision
So you might want to turn your head
Cause someday you might find you're starving
and eating all of the words you said"
I had forgotten how much I love this song. This morning though I woke up with it on my mind. Before I left for Marcie's, I drug the cd out of my trunk. (?) Going down the road I thought hmmm let's just rock Big Andy Ridge out. And so I did just that. Ani's a departure from the Prince & Marvin Gaye mood I was in last week when I went around for days humming "Mercy, Mercy Me" & "I Would Die 4 U." I blame it on a hat I got on the trip to Ohio. I've been feeling funky ever since. My inner Shaniqua needed some attention.
Last week my aunt Marilyn brought down a pink rose for me. She'd saved a start from THE pink rose at my old house. Others have packed shovels over to the house trying to get a start & failed. I don't even have one. So it really meant something to me that Marilyn brought one to me. It's pressing right now inNostradamus: The Millenium & Beyond . Soon it will go into a frame. I should really buy a flower press but for years I've settled with books. And then weighted that book down with more books. Not long ago I picked up myee cummings: 1923 - 1954 and marigold petals fell out. I had forgotten about putting them in there. Kinda pretty in a way though.
Monday my grandma brought me a pink peony. Little things like that tickle me...when someone remembers that you love a particular type of flower. When they do something unexpected because they know it will mean something to you. Sometimes the tiniest gestures are the most meaningful.
Billie is really good for that. From time to time I get these decorated envelopes in the mail from Berea. The last one I received was decorated to the hilt. Billie had cut out floral paper & pasted it to the front, adorned with butterfly stickers. Inside was a gift. A just because gift. It made my day unbelievably bright just knowing that someone had taken the time to do all that work just because they cared about me. My letters to her though? Usually on lined paper in a plain envelope. I should do better but it seems like when I'm in that mood to write, I do so in a complete rush. I suppose I'm afraid I'll lose my train of thought.
I'll have to watch my back for awhile. I hate it when I have a reason to be paranoid. I helped play a prank on two of the most devious people in the world. It involved lying which I'm really good at when laughter is the intended outcome. It also involved a false report of a trip to the ER, singed hair and a supposed mad rush to Kentucky from Ohio at 9:30 last night.
The last time I was threatened with being paid back I had a back up plan. All I had to do was tell the boys that I had new Miss Swift Silver posters to put up all over Pine Ridge. Then reminded them of a nice pic of one of them in a blonde wig. All plans of retaliation were abandoned.
I'm looking so forward to South Carolina next weekend. I've never seen the ocean so I know that as next week approaches I'm going to be like a kid with ADHD. Plus, being around fresh straight from the ocean seafood, I don't know that I'll be able to contain myself! Lisa & Marcie have been working on a Drifters/Beach Boys cd to take with us. A while back Lisa & I were watching old home videos. One was of a trip to South Carolina when Liz lived there. In one scene they were driving the van to the beach & in the background The Drifters were blasting. So we're gonna recreate that this summer.
On another note, I've had some really great conversations this week. I do keep some things to myself ( not many, but some ) so I won't go into detail. But I love it when you talk to someone & it just feels like the most natural thing in the world. Not forced. But easy. Like you've known them for a while.
Connection on any level is good. Especially if you're given the ability to just be yourself.
Much love,
~ Rebecca 6:45 PM [+]
